1. |
How To Stare At A Wall
02:30
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feeling less whole than i might've hoped. i'm misplacing everything. i don't know where it goes. i'm humming all the time to keep pressure in my mouth, cause i don't want the quiet to come sell me out. and i count the weeks that my friend doesn't sleep, but i drag him by his hair to come care for me. i feel i'm raring to start putting things--my hands and my head--just where they need to be. keep staring straight. you're putting all your time into betting that heaven will be there when these walls disintegrate. put that in your head. hang onto it.
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2. |
Wanted
02:53
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i live beneath the thoughts i form about you, don't you forget that about me. you have to be careful. it makes me ragged at the softest edges of my being. let's not talk about, but bring it up again and you're doing exactly what i wanted. i wish i had more voluntary muscles. my body is a bitter thing, and already i've had this for a while and it's worn a hole in me. but it's exactly what i wanted. this is exactly what i wanted.
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3. |
Buddy
03:04
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something in me has a hard time with certain things--oh no, i'm not articulating this very well. most of the time it seems that i confuse thinking of you with keeping my head clear. i couldn't even explain to you (it's never any use) how good it feels to look up from across the room and see you standing there. i'm forced to sit on my hands. i won't keep them to myself, they head to places they haven't yet felt you. i could've kept my hands out. i could've made it that much worse. i could've painted your face on my palms and wrung my hands out till they hurt. it's entirely directionless. but you make a great friend, between you and me. yeah i hope i can stick to that. yeah i hope i can believe in that, cause right now, and until then, this whole thing makes my teeth ache.
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4. |
Uh, Ghouls?
02:42
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i've got heat-seeking vision for the fire that burns around certain people's feet. i spend all afternoon baiting my friends for answers, things that could kill me. but when they leave, i still taste ashes between my teeth. they don't leave me clean. they don't make me clean. it's just this constant barking in my head--the only dog i've got, but i need him dead. i hold my hands beneath the blue morning and bury my friend, his body turned green. now the last time i'll see you, you'll be dressing in all green.
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5. |
Nineteen
02:47
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((XIX))
when i consider how my light is spent, it seems useless is the only word that sticks. on the one hand, i still feel love. on the other, i have nowhere to put it at all. my mind reels in. my body gives out on me, counting my heartbeat every day for four weeks. you're probably drunk, and that's not enough to get you alone, to get you to talk. it weighs heavy like a bullet between my teeth. i see you looking at the silver instead of me.
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6. |
Wigglers
01:00
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interlude
[[magnolia-i don't know where to put things]]
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7. |
Floor Sleeper
02:46
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i wonder if i was ever there, if anybody saw me when i wore my white sheet. small in presence, too frightened to haunt the places they brought me. my friends knew i needed to pry my body from off of the floor. they left me to sleep there. they pull me away from there. i can't help but missing everything--coins gone from pockets, my lost baby teeth. if you're awake, can i find them tomorrow morning? i wish i could live on his floor, go back to the lavender carpets i once knew, when i was eager to feel anything, even if that meant wrongful attachments. can i come over if you're still awake by the time i'm back in state?
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