when i consider how my light is spent, it seems useless is the only word that sticks. on the one hand, i still feel love. on the other, i have nowhere to put it at all. my mind reels in. my body gives out on me, counting my heartbeat every day for four weeks. you're probably drunk, and that's not enough to get you alone, to get you to talk. it weighs heavy like a bullet between my teeth. i see you looking at the silver instead of me.